THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS

Watch my satire on the 2nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution on YouTube.

NEXT NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

An inside source on the Norwegian committee for the Nobel peace prize revealed that the famous organization has secretly determined the next recipient of the coveted award to be the devil.

MANDATORY MARRIAGE

Taking political correctness to new heights as the priority of its annual agenda, the Supreme Court unanimously declared that all persons must by law engage in at least one homosexual marriage in their lives.

TORTURE

If we allow cruelty to living things, we are accepting the devils of our worse nature.

70

As I enter the decade of death

and plan for endless dreamless sleep

certain as Earth turning from light to night

I recall the spiritual seasons of my life:

hope exploding from an atmospheric prism

joy blazing through the gold lens of a star

adventure adrift with leaves on the wind

crystallized languor frozen in place

despite flickering memoirs of bliss

like sparkling sunshine through breaks

in a cloud-crowded sky of indigo blue

my mind rewinds moments of pain

as if highlights from a constant cinema

featuring every being I have known

in need, love, abuse, joy, and sorrow--

tragicomedy worthy of a reckless writer

aware now of each heartbeat

and wondering which will be my last

I mourn the loss of life in brain and brawn

but mostly bemoan what might have been

had I the prudence to expect events

occurring around the next twist or turn

events that make all the difference

for that extraordinary chance to exist

but regret is a poison potion

that lowers the view below the horizon

and prevents a vision of goodness

a revelation too often lost in fancy

for I must know that as a mere man

I can no more change my story

than stop the stretch of shadows

draping the angles off a redwood tree

and my meager human existence

for all its erratic blinking in the dark

is meaningless in the cosmoscape

but for any benefit I have bestowed

for the good of other living things--

fellow mortals who dwelt with me

on this grand sphere for blips in time

and finally disappeared in the dust

Poem by Jack Forge.  Read Jack's other writing and connect with him at Smashwords.

A ROMNEY

A new common noun has been introduced into the English language.  The word is romney, that is, the belief in a thing as a benefit when actually a detriment.  For example, believing a person provides employment despite the fact that the person eliminates jobs is a romney.   The word obama was considered for the honor but the origins of the two terms indicate slightly less pretension in the latter.  Some synonyms for a romney include self-delusion, pipe-dream, and cloud-cuckoo-land.

GUNS FOR KIDS

Due to the constant threat of some crazy person walking into an educational institutional and spraying students, faculty, maintenance workers, and administrators with bullets, several states have established laws to allow children from preschool to grade twelve to pack firearms.  Since three-year old children find toting handguns unwieldy for their weak, little hands, weapons manufactures have invented small guns that look like toys but shoot deadly ammunition.  Passionate advocates of the Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution commend the new laws as providing more people with the equal opportunity to kill each other regardless of age.

POLITICAL CONVENTIONS

Conventions are events where political puppets excrete verbal bullshit, illuminated by mass media, and swallowed whole by mindless fanatics.

KILL

A former military adviser and current aspirant for Congress is advocating a severe penalty for suicide.  "Since suicide is a crime," he says, "the punishment should fit the crime."  When asked about any action on those who attempt suicide, he said that they should be revived if possible and then shot.  His views are supported by the rapidly increasing Klan for Institutionalized Lethal Leveling or KILL.

LIFE SUPPORT

Thank God for the medical and pharmaceutical companies.  They are keeping us alive at all cost.  We all know of the situation of a terminally ill, comatose person on life support with no hope of recovery.  Owing to modern medicine, many of us are on a form of life support.  Babies born with totally debilitating defects are kept alive by means of science and technology to live as long as possible despite their misery or stupor.  People of all ages with chronic diseases are kept alive with surgeries, drugs, and radiation despite unpleasant side effects.  Old persons are kept alive by medical procedures, instruments, and chemicals to ensure they survive into their eighties, nineties, and beyond despite their decreasing usefulness.  All of them are on life support.  Remove it and many would die.  If we were left to live by genes, diet, exercise, and meditation, we would live only as long as our natural lives would last.  The natural way works for all the living things of the wild and it makes species stronger, but most of us are no longer wild animals.  So thankfully, we depend on doctors, procedures, and drugs to keep us working, consuming, and playing in ever-growing numbers.  In a natural world without artificial life support people being fewer, healthier, and more self-sufficient would not require it.  So, doctors would not be able to save and extend our lives while making themselves, hospitals, pharmaceutical companies, and other businesses wealthy.  We would have to take our chances with a treatment of healthy living.  Fortunately we need not be concerned about such a scenario.  Thanks to life support, most of us may live long, long, long, long lives--if we can afford it.

LET'S MAKE A DEAL

The Republican and Democrat candidates for the U.S. Presidency have struck an historic deal.  They agree to share the highest public office in the land if they can equally represent the wealthiest and most powerful people.

BILDERBERG CONSENSUS

After a lengthy meeting in an expensive hotel in New York City the prestigious Bilderberg Group came to the unanimous conclusion that being rich and powerful is a good thing.  Spokesman for the group, Ben Havitall, stated rather curiously, "Although wealth and power are naturally inappropriate for all persons on the planet, everyone should try it at least once."

CIVILIZATION

Civilization: the historical condition of the world whereby a few richer and more powerful people take as much as possible from the many poorer and weaker people.

PROUD TO BE A….

Nothing signifies national pride more than a flag.  Showing the colors is a dead on sign of courage in the face of any challenge to sovereignty, be it military or sport.  How the heart throbs at the sight of a flapping piece of cloth flying above a parade in the hot air from a cheering crowd.  How patriotic for a politician or a corporate executive to wear a cute little miniature flag in the lapel of a luxurious suit.  How reassuring to spot a flag sticking out of a neighbor's front porch on Independence Day, Hegemony Day or most any other day.  How endearing to see a vehicle painted hood to trunk in the glorious hues of the state standard.  How wonderful to see flag hats, flag shirts, flag tablecloths, flag napkins, flag beverage containers, flag balls, flag kites…  The list appears to be endless but it's not.  We could make and of course sell flag condoms, flag diapers, and flag toilet paper.  Still, this may be going too far, since we are supposed to keep our beloved national pennant free of debris, detritus, and dung, even though major money moguls wipe their much kissed asses with it every time they shit on their fellow citizens.

GOING FOR THE GOLD

Always time for the Circus Maximus.  Forget about rampant global poverty.  Forget virulent violence from city streets to War Departments.  Forget about the dulling of human thought due to the endless escalation of pop culture.  Forget about anything worth remembering for the time being or at least as long as the Olympics last.  From the Golden Age of the Greeks to our time and probably until the extinction of our illustrious species, the games will have successfully distracted the masses from their endlessly boring struggle to survive and make decent lives for themselves.  How rewarding the vicarious thrill of watching a favorite competitor win a contest and stand high center like a demigod with a gold medal for all to see reflecting the rays of the sun!  The spectacle brings tears to the eyes, especially when the gold medalist is a citizen of one's own country.  Of course the nation with most decorations is by extension the greatest in the world, a status confirmed when the games conclude and the time for war continues.

LOCK 'EM UP!

The Corporation for Confinement of Americans states today in a press release that the solution to the unemployment problem can be found within the walls of their institutions.  With stiffer prison sentences more men, women, and children can be used to produce consumer goods for a small fraction of the minimum wage.  Given the high recidivist rate among the prison population, these employed positions can continue indefinitely with only brief intermittent breaks, eliminating the need for paid leave.  Furthermore, many unemployed citizens desperate enough to feed themselves and their families will succumb to robbing grocery stores and other retail outlets.  Considering the rising popularity of personal guns for protection, such numerous novice criminals are likely to commit felonies that will add to the rolls of inexpensive labor.  The CCA claims the endeavor shows such promise as to suggest the return of the United States to a manufacturing powerhouse.  A lateral benefit would be a whole new class of guaranteed consumers, for the correctional population would of course be buying many of the goods they make in their secured jobs.  In this system everybody benefits: business succeeds, people work and buy, and the streets of the nation are safer, quieter, and less crowded with slackers, deadbeats, and otherwise useless riffraff.

FOREVER SUMMER!

Unsurprisingly many people welcome global warming with open arms.  Long weary of the chilly season of winter and even the less chilly seasons of spring and fall, they eagerly look forward to years of endless summer with all the heat and ultraviolet rays their skins can absorb.  "Can't get hot enough for me!" is their mantra.  Affectionately referring to the climatic condition as Good Ol' GW, reminiscent of two of their favorite presidents, these fans of soaring temperatures do not fear the effects of melting glaciers and rising seas.  Characteristically rosy in their outlook, they look forward to closer beaches and more room for water sports--until of course it all evaporates.  Coincidentally dermatologists and manufacturers of skin tanning aids are thrilled by the enthusiasm rolling across the land like a sirocco.

PRAISE FOR PERVERSION

Now that many people have accepted sodomy as a perfectly natural sexual behavior, we should break down the barriers to all other ways of satisfying our constant lust. The sexual acts we should be able to enjoy are limited only by our weirdest fantasies. If we can imagine doing anything, we should be able to do it. Sex with other animals, sex with children, sex with machines, and any other carnal idiosyncrasies we can conjure should all become part of our repertory.

Since coitus between men and women committed to reproducing and raising human replacements is no longer the only sexual tradition, we are free to explore the most perverse possibilities. While at one time a clandestine taboo, we have so widely accepted homosexuality these days that we are ready for new acts of sensual entanglement. Even that evil aberration innocuously referred to as pedophilia is growing so much in popularity soon child molesters will have their own flag and participate in marches on capital cities by the hundreds of thousands.

Bestiality does not even raise an eyebrow of disapproval among increasing numbers of people. So we should not be surprised to see homobestiality and pedobestiality. They seem like the inevitable steps to follow the breakthrough into formerly forbidden acts of sexual depravity. Sex with other animals opens the crotch for more diverse carnal affairs, and science will probably find a way to reproduce hybrids between humans and other species. Homo-assinus and other delightful creations. The Minotaur may someday soon roar out of myth and bed down in the house next door.

The most phenomenal step in degeneracy, though, could be man mating with machines. Homoroboticus. Think of the possibilities! Orgies with androids designed to complement a person in mind and body. Forget the soul, for we lost that a long time ago. Technological matchmaking will become wildly popular. Digitized dating. Formulaic fornication. With sufficient purchasing power and perverse desire we could buy ready-made partners of either gender or cross-gender, kind, or age. If we were to be old-fashioned enough to be family oriented, we could produce little mechanical humanoids that look like models, move like athletes, and exhibit cunning to rule the world. When we destroy ourselves, our humanoids can rule the planet.

Maybe the ultimate in self-gratification at any cost or decline would be literally that—solitary satisfaction. Since we like ourselves more than we like others, even when we hate ourselves, the final step in our lascivious race to doomsday would be auto-erotic sexuality. It could be the way we have always wanted it. Hermaphroditic humans that obtain all the sexual stimulus and climax they need from themselves. Such a feat may of course require science to reproduce androids that are extraordinarily limber so we could suck our own genitalia. With enough creative advancement in physiology we could even possess the genitals of both genders properly positioned for more than self-sucking but even self-fucking.

This exciting prospect generates a whole new world of opportunities for wallowing in the flesh. And the great notion of mating with oneself bestows entirely new meaning on the once formerly offensive but now potentially encouraging remark: "Go fuck yourself."

BET YOUR LIFE

A wonderful way of life is sweeping across the land. Now that people have accepted greed as good, not bad, not evil, no longer a cardinal sin, but a good quality worthy of human nature, we have by logical extension approved one of its related behaviors. Gambling, once a dark destructive preoccupation of human frailty, has become good clean fun. More than fun, it carries a possible blessing of wealth. Granted the chance of becoming wealthy this way is slimmer than the likelihood of a politician campaigning honestly in a district full of gullible citizens who would not know a lie if it weighed three hundred pounds, sat on their laps, and bit off their noses while cooing, "Kiss me, baby. I'm the Queen of Sheba."

Nonetheless, gambling is fun, so much fun we charmingly refer to it as gaming, as if it were a healthy sport. True, the results of gambling are countless losers with rare winners, but let us not negate the thrill of pulling of the handle, flipping the card, or rolling the die, when a chronically unlucky person can suddenly become fortunate. Such incredibly surreal hope makes life worth living, especially for those given to bouts of stratospheric fantasy.

The skeptic, the naysayer, the stick-in-the-mud may insist gambling is threatening the quality of life, that one may as well throw money into the street instead of shoving it into machines or stacking it up on tables of green. But such crepe-hangers would be wrong. Life is a gamble, whether it be the happenstance of birth, the unpredictability of death, or any of the myriad chances in between succeeding or failing, rising or falling, winning or losing in this world. We would be missing life were we to avoid risk at every step or turn. Nothing ventured nothing gained, even if it means losing everything.

So cash out the equity left in your real estate. Consolidate your credit cards for maximum borrowing power. Grab cash advances on your paycheck. Scrape together every dime, nickel, and penny you can find and turn them into quarters for the slots. Play stock market roulette on the internet. Bet the dog and pony shows. Buy every lottery ticket you can afford; if you cannot afford one, buy it anyway, and go hungry for a day or two. You could probably stand to lose a few pounds. Take your vacations, if not already broke, to some glittering metropolis of decadence, such as Las Vegas. The glamour of the neon oasis in the middle of the bomb blasted desert makes you feel like a million bucks, even if you have less than fifty bucks in the bank. So what if you lose your shirt. Some get rich. Probably they are only the owners of the casinos, but when anyone gets rich, you believe you could be next.

Max out your credit. Sell your furniture. Sell your house. Sell the kids into slavery. Sell your own body or at least a kidney or any organ you can spare. You may as well sell your brain too for a few bucks to blow in blackjack. Hell, you're not using it anyway.

THE NEW TYRANNY

Historically we have condemned the totalitarian state as hell on Earth. We have feared and fought evil dictators to the losses of many lives. We have sacrificed much for freedom and brag whenever we can about how much we cherish and enjoy it. Sure, we often take it for granted. That is only natural. Animals get used to good times and think they will last forever like the sun. Maybe this the reason we are not objecting to a new form of totalitarianism that has risen like an ogre from our midst. We should know the ogre well. We gave birth to it.

This new dictatorial system is our baby grown gargantuan. It permeates our daily lives and has spread its tentacles around the world. Having become so familiar to us, it goes by different names: Big Business, the International Market, and the Global Economy. We may call it Megacorp—the big fat giant that controls the world. The puppet master that pulls the strings on every political figurehead on the planet. Together with its financial vizier, the International Monetary Fund, it controls the world.

We like to think we have real power with our votes, our placards, our letters to government, our marches in the streets. Yeah. We also dream of going to heaven when we die. We are as unwilling to accept death as an eternal dreamless sleep as we are to accept that Megacorp runs our lives, that its propaganda machine control our minds, that we have no real freedom. We think do but we do not. Freedom to mouth off means little when we continue to serve the master. We live in a make-believe world like figures in a doll house, totally dependent on the whims of the master who plays us.  

Nonetheless, we have the power to cut the strings of the master puppeteer and raise the quality of life on Earth. We have only to stop feeding the monster. Stop buying things. Let the beast go without sustenance long enough and it will do our bidding like the jinni in the lamp. This would require sacrifice but would reap immense rewards. Basically, we would have to give up things, a lot of things, to get what we really need.

If we fail to deprive ourselves willingly for the sake of justice for all, we will suffer severely for the sake of Megacorp. We have the choice. Exist and die as playthings of this new totalitarian master or live free.