A critical and satirical gazette about our world.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS

Watch my satire on the 2nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution on YouTube.

Monday, December 10, 2012

NEXT NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

An inside source on the Norwegian committee for the Nobel peace prize revealed that the famous organization has secretly determined the next recipient of the coveted award to be the devil.

Saturday, December 08, 2012

MANDATORY MARRIAGE

Taking political correctness to new heights as the priority of its annual agenda, the Supreme Court unanimously declared that all persons must by law engage in at least one homosexual marriage in their lives.

Friday, November 30, 2012

TORTURE

If we allow cruelty to living things, we are accepting the devils of our worse nature.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

70


As I enter the decade of death
and plan for endless dreamless sleep
certain as Earth turning from light to night
I recall the spiritual seasons of my life:
hope exploding from an atmospheric prism
joy blazing through the gold lens of a star
adventure adrift with leaves on the wind
crystallized languor frozen in place

despite flickering memoirs of bliss
like sparkling sunshine through breaks
in a cloud-crowded sky of indigo blue
my mind rewinds moments of pain
as if highlights from a constant cinema
featuring every being I have known
in need, love, abuse, joy, and sorrow--
tragicomedy worthy of a reckless writer

aware now of each heartbeat
and wondering which will be my last
I mourn the loss of life in brain and brawn
but mostly bemoan what might have been
had I the prudence to expect events
occurring around the next twist or turn
events that make all the difference
for that extraordinary chance to exist

but regret is a poison potion
that lowers the view below the horizon
and prevents a vision of goodness
a revelation too often lost in fancy
for I must know that as a mere man
I can no more change my story
than stop the stretch of shadows
draping the angles off a redwood tree

and my meager human existence
for all its erratic blinking in the dark
is meaningless in the cosmoscape
but for any benefit I have bestowed
for the good of other living things--
fellow mortals who dwelt with me
on this grand sphere for blips in time
and finally disappeared in the dust


Poem by Jack Forge.  Read Jack's other writing and connect with him at Smashwords.

Tuesday, October 09, 2012

A ROMNEY

A new common noun has been introduced into the English language.  The word is romney, that is, the belief in a thing as a benefit when actually a detriment.  For example, believing a person provides employment despite the fact that the person eliminates jobs is a romney.   The word obama was considered for the honor but the origins of the two terms indicate slightly less pretension in the latter.  Some synonyms for a romney include self-delusion, pipe-dream, and cloud-cuckoo-land.

Friday, October 05, 2012

GUNS FOR KIDS

Due to the constant threat of some crazy person walking into an educational institutional and spraying students, faculty, maintenance workers, and administrators with bullets, several states have established laws to allow children from preschool to grade twelve to pack firearms.  Since three-year old children find toting handguns unwieldy for their weak, little hands, weapons manufactures have invented small guns that look like toys but shoot deadly ammunition.  Passionate advocates of the Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution commend the new laws as providing more people with the equal opportunity to kill each other regardless of age.

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

POLITICAL CONVENTIONS

Conventions are events where political puppets excrete verbal bullshit, illuminated by mass media, and swallowed whole by mindless fanatics.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

KILL

A former military adviser and current aspirant for Congress is advocating a severe penalty for suicide.  "Since suicide is a crime," he says, "the punishment should fit the crime."  When asked about any action on those who attempt suicide, he said that they should be revived if possible and then shot.  His views are supported by the rapidly increasing Klan for Institutionalized Lethal Leveling or KILL.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

LIFE SUPPORT


Thank God for the medical and pharmaceutical companies.  They are keeping us alive at all cost.  We all know of the situation of a terminally ill, comatose person on life support with no hope of recovery.  Owing to modern medicine, many of us are on a form of life support.  Babies born with totally debilitating defects are kept alive by means of science and technology to live as long as possible despite their misery or stupor.  People of all ages with chronic diseases are kept alive with surgeries, drugs, and radiation despite unpleasant side effects.  Old persons are kept alive by medical procedures, instruments, and chemicals to ensure they survive into their eighties, nineties, and beyond despite their decreasing usefulness.  All of them are on life support.  Remove it and many would die.  If we were left to live by genes, diet, exercise, and meditation, we would live only as long as our natural lives would last.  The natural way works for all the living things of the wild and it makes species stronger, but most of us are no longer wild animals.  So thankfully, we depend on doctors, procedures, and drugs to keep us working, consuming, and playing in ever-growing numbers.  In a natural world without artificial life support people being fewer, healthier, and more self-sufficient would not require it.  So, doctors would not be able to save and extend our lives while making themselves, hospitals, pharmaceutical companies, and other businesses wealthy.  We would have to take our chances with a treatment of healthy living.  Fortunately we need not be concerned about such a scenario.  Thanks to life support, most of us may live long, long, long, long lives--if we can afford it.

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

LET'S MAKE A DEAL

The Republican and Democrat candidates for the U.S. Presidency have struck an historic deal.  They agree to share the highest public office in the land if they can equally represent the wealthiest and most powerful people.

Saturday, August 04, 2012

BILDERBERG CONSENSUS

After a lengthy meeting in an expensive hotel in New York City the prestigious Bilderberg Group came to the unanimous conclusion that being rich and powerful is a good thing.  Spokesman for the group, Ben Havitall, stated rather curiously, "Although wealth and power are naturally inappropriate for all persons on the planet, everyone should try it at least once."

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

CIVILIZATION


Civilization: the historical condition of the world whereby a few richer and more powerful people take as much as possible from the many poorer and weaker people.

Monday, July 30, 2012

PROUD TO BE A….


Nothing signifies national pride more than a flag.  Showing the colors is a dead on sign of courage in the face of any challenge to sovereignty, be it military or sport.  How the heart throbs at the sight of a flapping piece of cloth flying above a parade in the hot air from a cheering crowd.  How patriotic for a politician or a corporate executive to wear a cute little miniature flag in the lapel of a luxurious suit.  How reassuring to spot a flag sticking out of a neighbor's front porch on Independence Day, Hegemony Day or most any other day.  How endearing to see a vehicle painted hood to trunk in the glorious hues of the state standard.  How wonderful to see flag hats, flag shirts, flag tablecloths, flag napkins, flag beverage containers, flag balls, flag kites…  The list appears to be endless but it's not.  We could make and of course sell flag condoms, flag diapers, and flag toilet paper.  Still, this may be going too far, since we are supposed to keep our beloved national pennant free of debris, detritus, and dung, even though major money moguls wipe their much kissed asses with it every time they shit on their fellow citizens.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

GOING FOR THE GOLD


Always time for the Circus Maximus.  Forget about rampant global poverty.  Forget virulent violence from city streets to War Departments.  Forget about the dulling of human thought due to the endless escalation of pop culture.  Forget about anything worth remembering for the time being or at least as long as the Olympics last.  From the Golden Age of the Greeks to our time and probably until the extinction of our illustrious species, the games will have successfully distracted the masses from their endlessly boring struggle to survive and make decent lives for themselves.  How rewarding the vicarious thrill of watching a favorite competitor win a contest and stand high center like a demigod with a gold medal for all to see reflecting the rays of the sun!  The spectacle brings tears to the eyes, especially when the gold medalist is a citizen of one's own country.  Of course the nation with most decorations is by extension the greatest in the world, a status confirmed when the games conclude and the time for war continues.

Friday, July 27, 2012

LOCK 'EM UP!


The Corporation for Confinement of Americans states today in a press release that the solution to the unemployment problem can be found within the walls of their institutions.  With stiffer prison sentences more men, women, and children can be used to produce consumer goods for a small fraction of the minimum wage.  Given the high recidivist rate among the prison population, these employed positions can continue indefinitely with only brief intermittent breaks, eliminating the need for paid leave.  Furthermore, many unemployed citizens desperate enough to feed themselves and their families will succumb to robbing grocery stores and other retail outlets.  Considering the rising popularity of personal guns for protection, such numerous novice criminals are likely to commit felonies that will add to the rolls of inexpensive labor.  The CCA claims the endeavor shows such promise as to suggest the return of the United States to a manufacturing powerhouse.  A lateral benefit would be a whole new class of guaranteed consumers, for the correctional population would of course be buying many of the goods they make in their secured jobs.  In this system everybody benefits: business succeeds, people work and buy, and the streets of the nation are safer, quieter, and less crowded with slackers, deadbeats, and otherwise useless riffraff.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

FOREVER SUMMER!


Unsurprisingly many people welcome global warming with open arms.  Long weary of the chilly season of winter and even the less chilly seasons of spring and fall, they eagerly look forward to years of endless summer with all the heat and ultraviolet rays their skins can absorb.  "Can't get hot enough for me!" is their mantra.  Affectionately referring to the climatic condition as Good Ol' GW, reminiscent of two of their favorite presidents, these fans of soaring temperatures do not fear the effects of melting glaciers and rising seas.  Characteristically rosy in their outlook, they look forward to closer beaches and more room for water sports--until of course it all evaporates.  Coincidentally dermatologists and manufacturers of skin tanning aids are thrilled by the enthusiasm rolling across the land like a sirocco.

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