A critical and satirical gazette about our world.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

CIVILIZATION


Civilization: the historical condition of the world whereby a few richer and more powerful people take as much as possible from the many poorer and weaker people.

Monday, July 30, 2012

PROUD TO BE A….


Nothing signifies national pride more than a flag.  Showing the colors is a dead on sign of courage in the face of any challenge to sovereignty, be it military or sport.  How the heart throbs at the sight of a flapping piece of cloth flying above a parade in the hot air from a cheering crowd.  How patriotic for a politician or a corporate executive to wear a cute little miniature flag in the lapel of a luxurious suit.  How reassuring to spot a flag sticking out of a neighbor's front porch on Independence Day, Hegemony Day or most any other day.  How endearing to see a vehicle painted hood to trunk in the glorious hues of the state standard.  How wonderful to see flag hats, flag shirts, flag tablecloths, flag napkins, flag beverage containers, flag balls, flag kites…  The list appears to be endless but it's not.  We could make and of course sell flag condoms, flag diapers, and flag toilet paper.  Still, this may be going too far, since we are supposed to keep our beloved national pennant free of debris, detritus, and dung, even though major money moguls wipe their much kissed asses with it every time they shit on their fellow citizens.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

GOING FOR THE GOLD


Always time for the Circus Maximus.  Forget about rampant global poverty.  Forget virulent violence from city streets to War Departments.  Forget about the dulling of human thought due to the endless escalation of pop culture.  Forget about anything worth remembering for the time being or at least as long as the Olympics last.  From the Golden Age of the Greeks to our time and probably until the extinction of our illustrious species, the games will have successfully distracted the masses from their endlessly boring struggle to survive and make decent lives for themselves.  How rewarding the vicarious thrill of watching a favorite competitor win a contest and stand high center like a demigod with a gold medal for all to see reflecting the rays of the sun!  The spectacle brings tears to the eyes, especially when the gold medalist is a citizen of one's own country.  Of course the nation with most decorations is by extension the greatest in the world, a status confirmed when the games conclude and the time for war continues.

Friday, July 27, 2012

LOCK 'EM UP!


The Corporation for Confinement of Americans states today in a press release that the solution to the unemployment problem can be found within the walls of their institutions.  With stiffer prison sentences more men, women, and children can be used to produce consumer goods for a small fraction of the minimum wage.  Given the high recidivist rate among the prison population, these employed positions can continue indefinitely with only brief intermittent breaks, eliminating the need for paid leave.  Furthermore, many unemployed citizens desperate enough to feed themselves and their families will succumb to robbing grocery stores and other retail outlets.  Considering the rising popularity of personal guns for protection, such numerous novice criminals are likely to commit felonies that will add to the rolls of inexpensive labor.  The CCA claims the endeavor shows such promise as to suggest the return of the United States to a manufacturing powerhouse.  A lateral benefit would be a whole new class of guaranteed consumers, for the correctional population would of course be buying many of the goods they make in their secured jobs.  In this system everybody benefits: business succeeds, people work and buy, and the streets of the nation are safer, quieter, and less crowded with slackers, deadbeats, and otherwise useless riffraff.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

FOREVER SUMMER!


Unsurprisingly many people welcome global warming with open arms.  Long weary of the chilly season of winter and even the less chilly seasons of spring and fall, they eagerly look forward to years of endless summer with all the heat and ultraviolet rays their skins can absorb.  "Can't get hot enough for me!" is their mantra.  Affectionately referring to the climatic condition as Good Ol' GW, reminiscent of two of their favorite presidents, these fans of soaring temperatures do not fear the effects of melting glaciers and rising seas.  Characteristically rosy in their outlook, they look forward to closer beaches and more room for water sports--until of course it all evaporates.  Coincidentally dermatologists and manufacturers of skin tanning aids are thrilled by the enthusiasm rolling across the land like a sirocco.

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