SELF-CONTROL

Adversity affects all of us sooner or later, causing us anguish to varying degrees ranging from mild annoyance to complete mental collapse. Fortunately we can cope with most of this adversity, thereby coping with the anguish it may cause. We can do this by using a scale of 1 to 10 for dealing with the adversity, the anguish it causes, and as a measure of self-control for coping with the stress.

Suppose a normally healthy person were to become ill with influenza. Such a condition would probably hit a 7 on the adversity scale because the flu is a serious illness that can lead to death in certain circumstances such as a weak immune system or old age. Consequently coping would require a 7 as the appropriate measured response to the health problem. The solution should be appropriate to the problem. A 9 or 10 would probably be extreme because with rest, plenty of fluid, and proper diet the disease can be cured in a short time. No need to get upset with worry about dying because for such a person it is highly unlikely, and probability should be a guiding rule.

Now, suppose a person were to spill gravy or salad dressing while serving a meal. If no one were injured and the situation required only a clean up, the adversity would score 1 or 2. And a measured response would be the same, thereby reducing the incident to a minor mishap, thus easily and quickly forgotten without upset.

Every adverse situation in life can be measured in this way. By taking a deep breath and objectively evaluating the problem, we can usually avoid the extreme distress that erupts when emotion goes out of control. When control is lost, the anguish quickly escalates as it feeds on itself and either explodes in anger or implodes to attack our self-worth—or both. Once headed too far down that dark dismal back street, we find it increasingly difficult to return to the reassuring light on the street of reason.

This measuring device can also be used to bolster one's ego. When one blames oneself irrationally for adversities or tends to believe one is cursed for being alive, one suffers the diminishing effect of depression. One can use the 1 to 10 scale to show how much self-blame, if any, one should assess. More often than not one's responsibility for hardship does not appear high on the scale if on it at all.

The key to making this scale effective, though, is to time it well. As soon as an adverse incident occurs, we must take a deep breath and quickly apply the scale. Waiting too long, even a few seconds, allows anguish to take control of our minds. When that happens, as it easily does, we have turned down that back street, heading for a minefield of madness or a deep pit of despondency. So, timeliness is necessary to make this technique work.

As with any other method to master, we must practice this coping mechanism to become skillful at keeping a balance in life. Think of it as emotional push-ups—the more we do them, the stronger we become, and the stronger we become emotionally, the more contentment we can enjoy.